I fell down a dark hole a couple of weeks ago
My husband left for work out of state almost four weeks ago (and he’s finally coming home this weekend!), my daughter has missed him like crazy, it’s been raining every single freaking day, and I had a kind of painful rejection experience concerning my artwork. Let’s be real, it’s that last one that really got me down, and I wanted to know how to feel better.
I submitted art to two companies in late January. I have been rejected many times before, so when one art director seemed really, really interested in seeing more of my work I got super, duper excited. I told myself even if I was rejected, I would hold it together, because this was proof that I was getting better at my craft and my career was going in the right direction.
The art director asked if I had any winter or holiday themed work, so I spent the next few days furiously creating whenever I had a spare moment, which wasn’t often, since it was me and a four year old hanging out. I was really happy with what I’d created, and again told myself it didn’t matter what ultimately unfolded, because I was pleased with my work.
I submitted my stuff and then clicked the refresh button on my email every 14 seconds for the next two days until I got a simple, “We’ll let you know if we want to use any of it.” That short email left me feeling crushed, because it was so to the point and didn’t contain the enthusiasm of the prior email.
I never heard anything else, and the deadline for the winter catalog passed a few days after that email, so I knew pretty quickly none of my art was selected.
Somehow the tease of feeling like someone was interested hurt more than just a straight out rejection, you know? Like if boy you like suddenly turns to you and asks if you’re going to the spring formal and says he’s really hoping you’ll come, and then you get there on Friday night and he nods coolly at you and then keeps dancing with another girl. Hopes up, then dashed.
After that email, I fell into a pit of uncertainty. I felt directionless and sad and tired and lonely.
The thing is, I KNEW what I could do to feel better. I could get calm and still and journal and write to my intuition. I could meditate. I could bust out some yoga moves. I could listen to uplifting podcasts.
I was dead set against that, though. Instead, as soon as I put my daughter to bed I would sit on the couch, turn on the TV, often with my laptop on my lap and my phone right next to me. Diversion, distraction, detachment.
I also had a sense that this would wear off pretty quickly. I’m not the most happy go lucky person in the world, but I’ve never been prone to depression, either.
Luckily, within a few days I started to slowly feel better and got back into meditating before bed, writing to my intuition, listening to Jess Lively’s podcast, and listening to the series Eckhart Tolle and Oprah Winfrey are doing on Tolle’s book, A New Earth.
So my getting out of a dark place story was pretty simple: I waited until I felt a little better and then started doing all the things I knew would increase my sense of well-being even more.
But what if you don’t feel better quickly the way I did? What if you can’t seem to get out of a funk? What if you felt like I did longer term and can’t seem to make yourself do any of the things you know will help?
How TO FEEL BETTEr
Well, I’m no mental health professional, but one of the things I wished I had done when I was feeling so awful was, at least a couple times a day, to stop and put my hand on my stomach and just feel my breath go in and out. Doing that one thing would have helped me return to the present moment. It would have helped me remember that the rejection was already over and now I was free to move on to the next thing.
Our minds are insidious little creatures. They make up stories upon stories ALL THE DAMN TIME. You think you’re the one in control? Try not thinking for five minutes. Heck, try it for even one minute! That mind of yours is going to run you all over the place (unless you’re already a highly advanced being, in which case, please share your secrets with me).
The point is: The stuff that was holding me down in the dark was all just made up by my mind. It’s not my true essence, it’s not my core being. Returning to this moment, right now, helps me (and you!) to see that right now everything is fine. Right now I’m still breathing, right now I’m warm, right now I have food in the fridge.
Everything is perfect. Perfectly imperfect. I don’t regret “letting myself go” those few days and distracting myself with screens. I don’t regret not checking in with myself. I just intend to do things slightly differently next time, bringing myself back to the present moment more often.
What about you? What do you do to get out of a hole?
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