How to Feel Good Enough

I have struggled to feel good enough my entire life.

It’s showed up in a variety of different ways, from putting up with crap from guys that I definitely should not have (because I didn’t trust my own worth), to accepting lower pay (because I was scared I didn’t deserve more).

Not feeling good enough can show up in your:

• Career
• Ability to make and/or save money
• Education
• Relationships with romantic partners
• Relationships with friends and family
• Feelings about yourself
• Every other place I haven’t listed here

I’m pretty sure we all feel like we’re not good enough in at least one aspect of our lives.

Why We Don’t Feel Good Enough

I hate to trot out this old pony, but here she is: You feel like you’re not good enough because you’re listening to your thoughts, which are telling you you’re not good enough. (But don’t worry, they’re lying to you.)

Yes, your childhood probably has something to do with it. The people around you unintentionally (okay, sometimes intentionally) said and did things that make you feel as if you weren’t good enough.

Perhaps someone made a comment about your weight, your height, your freckles, your grades, the way you ran like a horse (just me?), the way you talked, the way you laughed, or the way you sliced an apple. It doesn’t really matter what it was, it just matters that it got lodged in your brain and, over the years, grew and grew. 

You may have even taken a story you learned as a youngster (my hair is too frizzy) and let it build up and take over every part of your life (my skin is bad, I’m not smart, everybody hates me).

So….now what? Are you doomed?  Do you have to forever suffer under the rule of your mean, repetitive, judgey-ass mind? 

No. You do not.

Steps You Can Take Right Now to Feel Good Enough

Step #1 START NOTICING YOUR THOUGHTS

Remember what I said about your thoughts wreaking havoc on your ability to feel good? Here’s how it goes down:

• Something happens in your day, say your boss asks you to prepare a document for a presentation later that afternoon.
• A quick thoughts pops in, one that you may not even be aware of. Perhaps your mind tells you, without you being consciously aware of it, that you’re horrible at doing things last minute and if you’re asked to speak in front of other people you’ll mess up and look like a fool in front of everyone.
• Scary emotions start flaring up. Suddenly you’re irritable or angry, scared or sad. You feel off balance and agitated.
• Your mind gets louder and louder with the insults. Now your mind is really doing a number on you, chiding you for not being able to keep it together, worrying about all the things that could go wrong, and generally making it difficult for you to stay calm (or get your work done!).
• Life fulfills your mind’s prophecy. Because you’re not calm and are feeling horrible about yourself, it’s really hard to concentrate on the document you’re supposed to prepare. It ends up having some errors and spelling mistakes and when your boss notices, you feel horrible–and have reinforced the idea that you’re not good enough.

#2 STOP BELIEVING THOSE THOUGHTS

To stop this pattern, you have to start bringing awareness to that moment when the quick thought popped in. You must catch it and kill it, or at least change it or learn to ignore it. Watch how this plays out:

• Something happens in your day, say your boss asks you to prepare a document for a presentation later that afternoon.
• A quick thoughts pops in, one that you may not even be aware of. Perhaps your mind tells you, without you being consciously aware of it, that you’re horrible at doing things last minute and if you’re asked to speak in front of other people you’ll mess up and look like a fool in front of everyone. But since you’re on the lookout for this type of thing, you quickly notice the negative things you’re telling yourself. 
• Take actions that help you let go of the negative thought. Even though it’s hard, because your thoughts are really spewing lots of stories about how much you suck, you decide to try to deal with this thought. You either come up with a more positive thought (“I created a document like this two weeks ago and it was fine”) or let that thought go by you without attaching to it (“I see that my mind is telling me negative garbage right now, but I’m doing to breathe deeply and try to ignore it”).
• Life fulfills your mind’s prophecy. This time, you were using your mind to send yourself some more positive thoughts, right? When you remind yourself that it’s going to be okay, it’s going to be okay. You can handle this. The document is fine and when you have to present your part, you’re fine.

For the sake of space, this is a bit of a limited example, but know that your thoughts are the thing making you feel not good enough. Change your story, change the way you feel about yourself.

STEP #3 START MEDITATING OR AT LEAST CENTERING YOURSELF

One day I was really, really agitated. I had a lot of stories going on about how I had messed something up, made someone upset at me, and confused someone else. I felt like I wasn’t a good listener, a good communicator, or a good friend.

Sometimes I do mess up, that’s for sure, but in this instance, my mind was just creating stories and fear because that’s it’s job. It doesn’t know how to do much else.

In order to get out of this agitated state, I sat down and did some deep breathing. I became present to my surroundings and the moment. And I felt a lot, lot better.

Now, I’m just you–taking the time to do this can feel annoying and sometimes I really feel like I don’t have time for it. But if you want to feel good enough, you must find ways to disconnect from your thoughts.

As I’ve said 1 or 47 times in this post alone, your mind is the thing telling you you’re not good enough. The thing that is very, very good at stopping your thoughts is meditating (or at the very least taking a break and taking some deep breaths). Give it a try, or grab a free guided meditation right here.

STEP #4 ASK YOUR INNER VOICE FOR GUIDANCE

Okay, hear me out.

There’s a vast, quiet, wise place inside you (or outside of you, if it’s easier for you to trust that God or angels or some kick ass guides are there to help you out) that wants to help you. This place, this source, can reassure you and help you feel good enough.

When you tap into this, you’ll know all is well. We’re all worthy just by being humans, and when you start to communicate with your heart and intuition (or guides or whatnot), you’ll start to hear that message loud and clear. 

You’re worthy. You are here as this human to learn and grow. You’re on the right path, even if it feels wrong. You can’t mess this up. You are loved no matter what. 

Want proof? Start talking to your intuition. For real. Just try it. Get the free guide right here.

BONUS STEP: DO SOMETHING CREATIVE!

Being creative is an absolutely wonderful way to bring yourself into the present moment and to stop thinking! It also gives you a chance to, perhaps, here from your inner guidance system and express some things that have been wanting to get out of you!

If that sounds good, why not start with this free 14 Day Art + Soul Journaling Challenge? It will give you prompts, a couple meditations, and plenty of creative practice!

You Can Feel Good Enough

I still struggle to feel worthy when it comes to charging enough money or being confident that I can really make a difference in people’s lives.

The way I deal with it is exactly what I’ve written in this blog post. I notice the thoughts that pop up that tell me I’m not good enough. Changing those thoughts or telling myself something I can believe (“I’m really helpful and I know I have good information to share”) is vital.

I meditate and breathe deeply. I regularly talk to my inner voice, asking how I can feel better and feel good enough.

In my experience, there’s no immediate, fast answer. The answer comes in the form of awareness and then a willingness to do the work.