Oh my gosh, can I tell you how many times in my life I’ve felt not good enough? Actually, I probably can’t, because it’s approximately one gazillion trillion bazillion.
But!
Guess what? There are actually things you can do when you feel not good enough, and believe it or not, you’ll start to feel better!
Here’s what I’ve learned.
If you feel not good enough about your body/looks…
If you’re a woman, you almost certainly have deeply, deeply conditioned ideas about what attractive is supposed to look like, and this blog post alone isn’t going to be able to undo them.
What I will say, though, is that you should STOP following social media and buying magazines that continue to promote the thin (light skinned) ideal. These types of images make you think negative thoughts about yourself, which, hey, wouldn’t you know it, makes you feel bad about yourself.
That’s right, you don’t feel bad because there’s something wrong with the way you look, you feel bad because you’re telling yourself (thinking) negative things about your body.
In order to get out of this pattern, it’s very important to first notice what you’re telling yourself. Not so you can double down, but so you listen to the things you’re repeating to yourself over and over.
It’s also very helpful to stop seeing images designed to make you feel not enough. Try following a variety of accounts in which many different body sizes and shapes and skin tones are represented. Or, crazy idea, stop following social media unless it’s totally benign or makes you feel light-hearted and free. Cat accounts are always a good idea. Go out of your way to find things that make you feel (and think) good (thoughts).
And FYI: The reason all of this pressure to look a certain way exists is to make money. Companies want to sell you on a product or a pill or a book to make you “better,” when in fact you’re fine the way you are. Truly.
(If you want to argue about why you should be thinner for health reasons, go read Health At Every Size or Anti-Diet by Christy Harrison.)
Utimately, to feel good enough about your body, you must stop thinking horrible thoughts about it and start focusing on something else. That sounds overly simplistic, but it’s exactly how i got out of years (and years) of body hatred.
If you feel not good enough about your CAREER or achievements…
Here’s what most of us do all day long: We tell ourselves, over and over, what should be different. What we should have done differently, why we should be farther along in our careers, what we wish would happen, what he should have done differently, etc.
Imagine what life would be like if, instead, you told yourself things that felt better? Instead of “I should be making more money by now,” wouldn’t it be nice to say something like, “I think I might be a late bloomer,” or “It’s nice that I have a comfortable bed and enough money for running water and a smart phone?”
Telling yourself how much you suck and that you should be in a different phase of life never, EVER makes you feel better. Like, ever.
It’s really and truly okay to look on the bright side of things, to take teeny tiny steps in the direction that feels good, and to be grateful for what you DO have. It’s okay to accept where you are with your life and career.
The form you have selected does not exist.
If you feel not good enough, period…
First of all, I feel you. My “not good enough” has seeped from one area to another my whole life.
In my younger years most of my feeling bad about myself had to do with boys and relationships. Eventually it morphed into body hatred, which lasted for a looooong time, then it turned into doubting my mothering skills, and it also frequently showed up in my business. The underlying theme of all of these was simply “not good enough.”
For me, noticing that it was happening, and how it shifted over time, were important first steps on the path to change. If you find yourself feeling bad all day long, you must first stop and become aware of what you’re telling yourself (hint: it’s not nice things).
After you’re aware, you have to find a way to feel better, plain and simple. You can’t expect someone else to make you feel better, for that is a losing game. It may work for a while, but eventually you’ll always be left alone with yourself and your own beliefs.
There are two best ways to feel better sooner rather than later.
First, start paying attention and telling yourself some things that you DO think you’re good at. Are you a mean Backgammon player? Right on. Do you make great mix tapes? Is picking out the perfect gift one of your inherent talents? It’s seriously okay to talk yourself up to yourself.
Second, distract yourself away from the horrible thoughts and focus on things that make you feel better (like cat Instagram accounts). It is totally okay to stop thinking about how horrible you are (’cause you’re not) and to pay attention to things that make you feel light and free.
This takes time. It takes practice. It is worth it.
What these aLl have in common
- It’s not you, it’s your thoughts. If you feel not good about yourself, it’s because of your thoughts, which come from your conditioned mind. Seriously. I wrote a whole post about changing negative thoughts here.
- Awareness is the key. Once you become aware of your negative thoughts, you’re already beginning to change and to feel better. You must notice them if you want to change or let go of them.
- To feel better about yourself, tell yourself nicer things! Tell yourself you’re okay, that things are all right. Accept things as they are in this moment and allow yourself to feel good. You won’t get stuck in this place you don’t like, you’ll simply feel better (which will help you move on).
- I love you and you’re doing a great job. My belief system is that we’re all inherently worthy just by being here on earth. None of us has to look different, have more money, or be smarter to be worthy of inner calm or satisfaction with life.
If you’d like to go deeper into this subject, I invite you to sign up for a free video series I created. The videos are quick, you’ll just need a handful of minutes a day to listen to them, and if you’re ready to feel good about yourself, they’ll get you started. XO
The form you have selected does not exist.